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Sunday, August 15, 2004
Hi. I'm Grant Bennett, and I like to draw attention to my shortcomings. I enjoy listening to Rufus Wainwright. I am a big ol' dork, and I'm comfortable with that. The drugs help.

I am back on Paxil.

I had things under control for a long time, but, within the past six months or so, I lost control. The anxiety was becoming unbearable, and the dysthemia (a term for long-term, low-grade depression) was making me intolerable. Thusfar, it seems to be working. I have much less anxiety. I haven't started my day off by puking up breakfast for at least a month (of course, that's not entirely anxiety related. My stomach wakes up later than the rest of me.), I haven't bawled in the shower, and I haven't had any panic attacks. I know that things in my head want to rebel against me, but, the meds are keeping them in check. My overall mood is better, but I do have a follow-up appointment in a few weeks to see if I'm feeling like I'm where I want to be mood-wise.

When I fall into a depressive mode, I become intolerable. I know this, and I hate this. There are sides of me that should never be made public. I get confused, sappy, weepy, emotional, and moody during these episodes. If I irritated, annoyed, confused, pissed-off, or otherwise inconvienenced anyone during the last few months, I sincerely apologize. I am sorry if I showed my bitchy side to anyone. I am sorry if I turned into a tremendous, whiny little girl. No one should have seen those parts of me.

I should probably be in therapy of some sort, but, a wise man once preached "better living through chemistry." That's something I can support.

Oh, if you want some funny, go here.

As you were.

Comments by: YACCS