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Thursday, June 24, 2004
THINGS I LEARNED WHILE ON PAXIL

1) How to recognize panic attack precursors. I can now avoid nearly all of my panic attacks, except the ones that completely blindside me. My panic attacks usually started as deja-vu, and escalated. Now, I can force myself to do something to avoid a full-blown attack.

2) I am not a really social person. Yes, I did have social anxiety disorder. But, even under treatment, I wasn't social. I just don't like people all that much. I can't just strike up a conversation with a total stranger. I'm not terrific at small talk. I'm too opinionated about too many things that small talk entails -- music, movies, pop culture, things like that. Of course, due to social anxiety, I never really learned how to socialize. Which is a great thing to try to learn when you're pushing 30.

3) Withdrawl from drugs sucks. 2 weeks of flu-like symptoms. Ugh.

I've been getting some pressure from my family lately to get on anti-depressants. I don't really want to. For many reasons. I don't have health insurance, and, I don't want to shell out a couple hundred buxxx a month for medications (anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs). Plus, taking the drugs won't change anything. I'll still be stuck in my current situation. They don't make "direction in life" pills. I'll be in the exact same situation, but on drugs. I don't think that that will help anything. I don't need to become more complacent and lazy.

And, I'm used to how I am. I don't wear a shit-eating grin all the time, and I don't think I want to. I've thought about getting back on meds. Depression and anxiety might be holding me back. I'm not an assertive person, but do I need to become less assertive? How will that help anything?







Comments by: YACCS