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A SHORT PLAY

Dramatis Personae:
Grant (me)
Mike (not me)

Setting: Knickerbocker's in Lincoln

Grant: Why didn't you tell me these guys were a jam band?
Mike: I've never heard them before. Besides, they're not a jam band. They're jazz-rock fusion.
Grant: I stand corrected. It's still terrible.

FIN!

OK -- for the record, I don't like jam bands, or jazz-rock fusion, or any of that other type music. Yes, you can all play your instruments very well. Better than I ever will. But, you don't need to put every chord you know in every song you write. It sounds sterile. Like a mule is sterile -- it doesn't make me feel like going out and creating my own stuff. In fact, it saps all creativity out of me. It does not make me want to dance or be happy or any of that. It does nothing for me. Not all of it enrages me. Really, the only enraging band I've encountered is the Dave Matthews Band. They cause me physical pain. And, even if it DID make me want to dance, you wouldn't want to see it. Think Joe Cocker having a seizure. It's that bad. It's not like Elaine dancing on "Seinfeld", cuz I do have rhythm. The problem is, while most people dance with their hips and whatnot, I dance with everything but my hips. I stand there and twitch, pounding the beat on my chest and legs. It's the dumbest thing you've ever seen.

posted by RawkStah at 2:37 PM