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There is a serious shortage of cool people where I live.

I admit that I'm no social butterfly. Fact is, I really don't like people all that much. I like individuals, but people as a whole are dumb.

I live in a town of 12,000. When the railroads started hitting financial troubles around the Depression, the ones who could afford to leave did. Beatrice was left with the rest. The town has lots and lots of white trash. I grew up here. Turns out that I came back here. There are more people in this town that I hope to never see again than there are that I want to meet for the first time.

A few weeks ago, I got the night off.

"What are you gonna do?" asked Ray.

"I dunno. Rent some movies or something," I replied.

"Why not go out and meet some girls?"

"In Beatrice? I don't think so."

When you're a dork and live in Nebraska, you aren't going to find cool chicks. Oh, you can find skanks left and right. But, people that you actually want to form a relationship with? Good luck, Charles.

After high school, everyone who needed to got the hell out of Dodge. Most of my friends live in Lincoln. Lincoln isn't much better. 'Specially when your friends are also dorks. Chicks are not drawn to dorks. 'Specially when you are nearly 30 and are still entranced by video games. Or have crazy big sideburns.

I need different friends. Or I need to get the hell out of Nebraska. Probably both. Or, I could just accept my fate and keep listening to Rollins.

---

And another thing...

I don't need to have any more dreams wherein I'm hanging out with someone at my grandparent's old house when a bear shows up.

A semi-sentient bear.

A semi-sentient bear that doesn't appreciate being shot in the face with a shotgun.

See, that just makes the bear mad.

And, then the bear proceeds to tell me how he's going to kill me.

Don't think that smacking the bear in the face with the butt of the gun will stop it.

Don't think that shoving the gun down its throat and pulling the trigger will stop it.

This bear wanted me dead. Graveyard dead.

And, since it's a bear, it would have won, easily.

So, no more bear-maulings for me, please.

Thank you.
posted by Grant Bennett at 1:14 AM