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Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Apparently, I am a freak-magnet.

On Sundays, I've been going to a bar in Lincoln to sing karaoke with my friends. Geoff can tear the roof off of the sucker with pop-metal. Hutt and Teresa mock people. Sometimes Jarrod goes, sometimes he don't. I pick songs that I know I can sing, and sing well. This precludes pop-metal, and all the crap that I don't know.

The last two weeks I've gone, I've had surreal experiences.

Week One:
Tha Crew consisted of me (as Chad), Geoff (as Carlos), Teresa and Jarrod. As we approached the bar, we saw one dude pissing outside, and another dude Pissing dude will hereafter be referred to as "Drunker Dude", while other dude will simply be "Drunk Dude."

So, Tha Crew finds a booth, sits, Geoff grabs the catalog, and we set about planning just how we are going to rock the crowd. After rocking the crowd, we notice Drunk Dude and Drunker Dude pointing at me. Standing, and pointing. At me. It looks like, for some reason, they're calling me out. Tha Crew decides that ignoring them is the best option.

A few minutes later, Drunk Dude comes over.

Me: What's up?
DD: Hey, man...
*fists are bumped, as this is what the situation calls for. DD sits down.*
DD: Yeah... so...
Me: ....
DD: Now, don't get me wrong... I mean, I'm completely heterosexual...
*Tha Crew immediately looks elsewhere, because laughing out loud at this would be a big mistake*
Me: Yeah...
DD: But, I saw you and...*looks at Geoff, hoping he can give him words*
Geoff: Uh....
DD: Man, I totally forgot what I was going to say... but, man... any guy who can wear muttonchops in this day and age is alright in my book.
Me: Thanks...
Tha Crew: WTF?

Week Two:
Tha Crew was me (as Chad), Teresa, Geoff (as Javier), Hutt, and Jarrod. Geoff turned tha mutha out with The Beastie Boys "(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party!)". Karaoke Master wasn't paying attention, because he had me come up right after that. My song? "This Guy's In Love With You" by Herb Alpert.

I killed the room. Dead. Fucking dead.

Later on, Geoff and I tore shit up with The Soggy Bottom Boys' "Man of Constant Sorrow".

Blondie: Are you from West Virginia?
Me: Nope.
Blondie: Cuz you sound like you're from West Virginia.
Me: Never been there.
Blondie: Are you sure?
Me: Yup.
US Navy Middleweight Boxing Champion: Man, you have a gift.
Me: Huh?
USNMBC: You should be on TV.
Me: OK...
USNMBC: Seriously. Have you ever seen "Blue's Clues"?
Me: Yeah...
USNMBC: You could be the next Steve. I mean, shave off the sideburns, and, you've got a face and a voice that kids will listen to. I should know. I've been in 13 TV shows. I have an agent in Omaha with 250,000 clients...
*time passes, and I am assured my USNMBC that he is, in fact, straight*
Me: Yeah, I'll have to look into that. Where's my beer?
Jarrod: We made Geo-fry drink it. We're leaving.
Me: Thank God.

Are big sideburns a gay thing now? Cuz I certainly don't dress fly enough to be gay.


Know what sucks? Living inside a Cure song.

Comments by: YACCS