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Saturday, April 19, 2003
So, Vegas happened.

I learened a number of things when I was out there, getting my godson baptized.

1) The US Military does not, in fact, have a stealth bomber or stealth fighter. We have aircraft that could, potentially, be stealth aircraft. But, you didn't see it anyway.
2) I am officially a non-biological uncle.
3) Nellis AFB is not at all as I pictured it in The Stand.
4) Las Vegas is not really how I pictured it, either. When it comes time for me to make those movies (3-parts), I will either a) have to re-think things, or b) not shoot on location.
5) Babies that are 6-weeks old really don't do much, but they're cute as all get-out.
6) 2-year-olds are at least two handfuls. As much as I love my "nephew", I'm really, really glad that I don't live with Trent. "Where going? Where going? Where going? Goan see lights? See lights? Where going? Where going? Want some? Want some? Want some? Gint dance! Gint dance! Gint Dance! Where Gint? Where Gint?"
6a) 2-year-olds that are smart, but haven't quite put together cause-and-effect are hard as hell to punish. I saw Trent fucking EARN two spankings. For the first, he was playing outside with the hose. Daddy (Jason) went to the door to tell him to come inside to eat. Trent shot the hose at the door. The door was the only way to get outside to the hose, and to Trent. Trent kept shooting the hose at the door. Spankings soon commenced. For the second, Trent decided that he was done eating, and indicated as such by throwing his fork at mommy (Jen). You better believe that was a spanking.
7) Sometimes, ministers wear camo and jump boots underneath the vestments. And they still love babies.
8) Siegfried and Roy are gay as french horns.
9) The VX at Nellis is a lot like Wal-Mart, but all the in-store advertising features people in uniforms.
10) Seeing a 6-week-old baby smile kicks lots and lots of ass, even if you have no idea what the kid is smiling about.
11) When I lean back in a chair with my legs crossed and inclined, it's a good place for a baby to sleep. It's also a good way for a godfather to fall asleep. Of course, it helps when the mother of the child comes out to the living room to see if her husband and her friend are still awake or what, and is able to retrieve the baby before someone shifts their weight or something.
12) When you fly into Vegas, the Strip is RIGHT FUCKING THERE.
13) Socialists would hate Vegas. Sorry, Mark, but it would piss you the hell off.
14) Siegfried and Roy want to charge you $10 to see ze wiess tigers und ze dolphins in zeir Secret Garden. No, thank you.
15) Casinos are less impressive in person.
16) Little kids that you don't have to live with are great.
17) Kissing babies is just something you do automatically.
18) Sweet merciful crap, stuff in airports is expensive! $6 for a mediocre bratwurst? $6 for an OK burrito?

That's about all I learned. The only boobies I saw belonged to Anne Heche, and she was on TV. But, they were exceptionally nice boobies. And free.

Comments by: YACCS