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Monday, November 18, 2002
Once my friend Jarrod wins the Powerball, you can expect a lot of things to change. There is a master plan afoot. We are going to form a media conglomorate that will make Disney look like a little sissy. Except, we won't be that evil.

Well, we'll be evil, but in a different way. We won't, for example, buy the American distribution rights to the films of Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki, and then not promote their theatrical release. (Go and see "Spirited Away". Well worth your time.) We will, however, own radio stations, and play music by artists that our label has signed. Our magazines will review movies put out by our studios. But, since everything we do will kick ass, no one will object.

We will also have an awards show. It will be both "hip" and "irreverent", and perhaps "slang-term-to-be-co-opted-by-the-mainstream-at-a-later-date". However, instead of focusing on things like "popular opinion" and "sales", the awards will be determined by the JohnnyCorp Board of Directors, with both general JohnnyCorp "Thumbs Up from Jackie Chan" awards and "Gold Star" awards from individual members. The awards will be granted for both lifetime achievement and one instance of kicking lots of ass. Awards won't be limited to the field of entertainment, either. We'll give awards for physics (mostly quantum, but classical isn't out of the running), too. And astronomy. And paleontology.

Here are some of my nominees:

  • Best Ending Theme Song in a Film: Fight Club, song: "Where Is My Mind?" by The Pixies

  • Holy Shit, That's Some Good Acting and Direction (TV): Last night's "intervention" scene in The Sopranos

  • Essential Albums of All Time:: Paul Simon -- "Graceland"; Matthew Sweet -- "Girlfriend"; Guns 'n' Roses -- "Appetite For Destruction"; The Ramones -- "Ramones Mania"

  • Songs that Kick Ass, Regardless of Genre: Stevie Wonder -- "Superstition", "I Wish" and "Heaven Help Us All"; Public Enemy -- "Fight The Power"; Dolly Parton -- "Jolene"; Johnny Cash -- Anything the Man in Black has ever done, ever. Except for his collaboration with One Bad Pig.

This list is, of course, incomplete.

Comments by: YACCS