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I've either just become lame or started growing up or something, because I've started to take notes about what I want to blog about...

So, did you know that Douglas Adams has a new book out? Neither did I until I went to the library. The book is called A Salmon of Doubt, if you're interested. I saw the book and thought "Woo-hoo! A new Hitchhiker's Guide! I knew that Mostly Harmless couldn't have been the last one. The ending was too open! The thumb was activated, and Ford was laughing!" And then I started reading it.

See, I forgot that Mr. Adams died. He's not just spending a year dead because of tax evasion -- he's dead. Heart attack. His was one of those deaths that makes you want to strike a bargain with God: "OK, God, now, if you give back Douglas Adams, I'll offer you Jessie Camp AND let you smite a city like you used to be so fond of doing. What do you say?" Andy Kaufmann was the same way. A bunch of friends and I were watching an Andy Kaufmann special, and thinking, "Man, this guy kicks ass!" And then, we found out he was dead. We tried the whole bargaining thing, offering a kid we called Biscuithead in exchange for Andy back. Then, we realized that Andy wouldn't want to hang out with us. The bargain is still on the table, however.

I'm a big fan of the Hitchhiker's Guide series. I've read all the books and watched the BBC TV series. I've not heard the radio programs, but I have played the game. I'm not as big a fan of his Dirk Gently series. The HHGG series was silliness with a plot; Dirk Gently was a plot with integral silliness. There is a difference.

A Salmon of Doubt is a collection of DNA's previous essays, speeches, interviews, etc., culled from his Mac harddrives. The people who put it together also pieced together his last, unfinished novel. As it is, the work is called "A Salmon of Doubt", and is a Dirk Gently novel. It might have evolved into the 6th book of the Hitchhiker trilogy. I'm not sure if I want to read it.

I've started, and it has some nice bits of silliness (Thor is living with one of Dirk's friends, and hasn't figured out the phone yet. Instead of using it like you and I, he stands 10 feet away and yells at it. When he doesn't hear your response, he goes into a godlike rage and breaks things.) and half a misplaced cat. It looks to be an entertaining read. But, I don't know if I want to finish it, because a) it's not finished, and b) I want to pretend that DNA is hiding somewhere, working on a new Hitchhiker's Guide.

I'm also not going to read the last story in the Winnie-the-Pooh book that I swiped from my sister. I don't want Christopher Robin to leave the Hundred-Acre Wood. I don't think that Pooh and Piglet are equipped to deal with heffalumps and wuzzles and hunny and bees and Small on their own. I don't want CR to grow up. I know that I'm being greedy, but that's the way it is. The thought of CR going away from the Hundred-Acre Wood makes me very, very sad. So does "Puff, The Magic Dragon".

I fucking HATE that song. I always have. Even when I was a little kid, at storytime at the library, we sang that song and I hated it. I hated it because Little Jackie Paper dies and abandons Puff. What the hell fun is frolicking in the autumn mist if you can't do it with a friend? (There are NO drug references in the song. NONE. I won't hear of it. So, just stop thinking it, because you're wrong.)
posted by Grant Bennett at 8:04 PM