All I know is that I don't know.
All I know is that I don't know nuthin'.

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Thursday, October 17, 2002
I talk loads and loads of extremes. I'm pro-torture, but anti-murder. I support a lassaiz-faire economy, but am seriously bothered by corporate greed. Somewhere in all my bluster is, what I hope, a Golden Mean. Being 25 isn't much fun. I'm old enough to know better, but can't be compelled to care. I'm closer to 30 than 20, and that's just starting to hit me.

I think that my belly thinks it's a goldfish -- the bigger the tank, the bigger the fish. My belly keeps growing. Perhaps I need to start buying smaller pants to reverse this trend. I used to buy 31x32 pants because I liked them to fit baggy, and it was just damned hard to find 28x32. Now, I have to buy 31x32 pants because that's what fits me. I used to be a slim-waisted hipster. Now, I'm a slim-waisted hipster with a belly and lovehandles. And back hair. This stuff was not addressed in elementary school when the nurse and PE teacher separated the boys and girls to watch filmstrips. Yeah, those things said that we'd get hair in new places, but not in STRANGE places. Why on earth do I need hair on my shoulders? Or on the outside of my ears? This is the sort of thing that needs to be addressed, dammit. We'll figure out sex on our own, even if we don't get any. Men need to be better prepared for what happens to their bodies AFTER college, not DURING junior high. We need to learn about things like 'hemmoroids', not 'pubic hair' and 'erections'. We knew about that stuff already. We are unprepared for our asses burning and itching for no reason. We are aware that we are going to get more hair. We are not prepared for the notion that we will CONTINUE to get new hair. FOREVER. This is the shit that guys need to know!

We also need to know that staying up really late will get harder. Now, I have tried and tried to convince my body that I'm still 18, that I can still stay up til, oh, gosh, 3 or 4 in the morning playing PlayStation (on weekends), but, jeez, it just isn't working. Staying up way late drinking is even tougher. What's going on? I didn't sign on for this! Who the hell decided that it'd be a neat trick to make me age? Batman doesn't age. The Dread Pirate Roberts doesn't age. Hell, Keith Richards is like 300 years old, and he can still go all damned night.

When I'm lying in my bed at night,
I don't wanna grow up.
Nothing ever seems to turn out right,
I don't wanna grow up.

How do you move in a world of fog
that's always changing things?
Makes me wish that I could be a dog.

When I see the price that you pay,
I don't wanna grow up.
I don't ever wanna be that way,
I don't wanna grow up.

Seems like folks turn into things
that they never want.
The only thing to live for is today.

Gonna put a hole in my TV set,
I don't wanna grow up.
Open up the medicine chest,
I don't wanna grow up.

I don't wanna have to shout it out,
I don't want my hair to fall out,
I don't wanna be filled with doubt,
I don't wanna be a good Boy Scout,
I don't wanna have to learn to count,
I don't want to have the biggest amount,
and I don't want to grow up.

When I see my parents fight,
I don't wanna grow up.
They all go out and driking all night,
I don't wanna grow up.

I'd rather stay here in my room,
nothing out there but sad and gloom.
I don't wanna live in a big old tomb
on Grand Street.

When I see the Five O'Clock News,
I don't wanna grow up.
Comb their hair and shine their shoes,
I don't wanna grow up.

Stay around in my old hometown,
I don't wanna put no money down.
I don't wanna get me a big old loan,
Work them fingers to the bone,
I don't wanna throw the broom,
Fall in love, get married, then boom!

How the hell did I get here so soon?
I don't want to grow up!

Yeah, I totally didn't write that. That was Tom Waits. He's clutch. Still, getting old sucks. Hell, even Henry Rollins is over 40.

That's another thing. At my age, my parents were married, and Henry Rollins was the lead singer of Black Flag. My parents fell in love, my dad got kidnapped, and they got married (not entirely sure about the order of events there, except that marriage came last); Henry jumped on stage and sang a song with the Flag and became lead singer. During my formative years, I was told that I was exceptional. And, here I am, at 25, and have done nothing really remarkable with my life. I've directed some plays, I've made a few 'movies' (Renegade Shriner, The Karaoke Killer and Natural Born Losers), I've gone to college and graduated, I haven't killed anyone, and it feels like I'm dried up. I haven't had a truly killer idea for a long, long time. I haven't written a song in years. ('There's only 5 songs in me...' -- bonus points if you get the reference) I used to be a fireball of creativity. I wrote 'masterpieces' like "When The Soap Gets In My Pisshole, It Makes Me Want To Cry" and "I Am Spanking My Own Ass, Cuz I'm So Bad To You". Then, I actually figured stuff out, and wrote "Oh, Yeah", "Curvee" and "Johnny Has A.D.D." And then, I hit a plateau. I stopped getting better. I hit my creative peak at 19. Apparently, I left the cake out in the rain. Or something.

When it comes to the guitar, I am physically limited. I have small hands. I used to have long fingers, but then my palms grew. My fingers are shorter than my palms. I don't have freaky midget-hands or anything like that, but, I am almost incapable of playing "Blackbird" by The Beatles. I'll never play lead guitar in a rawk band. I'll never be a rawk star. I'll never hang with Snoop.

Comments by: YACCS