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If a rock star is going to die, it should either be at age 27 (Cobain, Hendrix, Joplin) or when they're damned old (Harrison). Rock stars are not allowed to die in their early 50s. Sure, if you're shot by a crazy person, yeah. That's allowed. But, rock stars should not be allowed to die from heart attacks at relatively young ages. Hell, Roy Orbison was like 52 when he died, which is a damn shame.

Also, rock stars should die as a result of their own excesses (Presley, Cass Eliot, Bonham, Scott), drug abuse (Staley, Moon) or in blazes of glory (Holly, Nelson). Rock stars are cooler than we are, and should have cooler deaths than us. Perhaps by accidentally strangling yourself while masturbating (Michael Hutchense), or wrecking on a motorcycle (countless members of southern-rock bands), or as a result of your own colossal stupidity (that one guy from Chicago who offed himself playing Russian Roulette, or the lead singer of Sublime, who, just after signing a huge contract promptly overdosed on heroin). Rock stars are not allowed to die from heart attacks.

Also, why is it that only cool rock stars are dying lately? John Entwhistle, George Harrison, Joey and DeeDee Ramone have shuffled off this mortal coil, yet we are still plagued by everyone in Limp Bizkit (except Wes Borland, who got the hell out of there), Def Leppard, Staind, Disturbed, Drowning Pool, Korn, Creed, and Anthony Kedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Why have they not yet been smote by the angry hand of God? Why have they not been called home to glory? Lousy arbitrary hand of God, anyway.
posted by Grant Bennett at 7:07 PM