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Sunday, April 28, 2002
Some stuff:
1) I want Gwen Steffani to say "Hey, baby, hey, baby, hey" to me.
2) I don't see what's so hot about Tara Reid.
3) If you're going to be singing at a wedding, and you're going to be playing your guitar at the wedding with your song, and you have to bring your guitar that doesn't have a case from Missouri to Oklahoma, you should either a) bring extra guitar strings, or b) make damn sure you have internet access so that you can score a MIDI file of the song you're supposed to sing, as well as a karaoke machine upon which to amplify your voice from the computer room to the living room.
4) I want Jackie Chan to give me a thumbs up.
5) I have trouble determining when I'm yelling as I help direct a children's production of "The Pirates of Penzance".

Technically, I'm a stage manager for the show. However, I have volunteered my services as an acting coach, vocal coach and scene blocker. This would be all well and good, except that I have trouble conveying singing tips because the cast is made up of kids from 4th to 8th grade. "Make your voice come out of your nose," I say to the maids for their song. I get confused looks from the maids. "Frederic, would it kill you to lean against Mabel's shoulder?" I say to Frederic. Frederic hasn't figured out girls yet. It's not like I have, but, dammit, I can act like it! The guy playing Frederic is 12. I can't just out and say, "Look, man, the girl playing Mabel is going to be all kinds of hot when she gets older. By holding her hand and stuff, you will TOTALLY have bragging rights when you hit puberty."

As a bonus, I'm not playing softball this summer, because I think I'm going to be directing "Nunsense" for the Nodaway County Community Theatre. I don't know how many people can say that they can direct a play better than they can play softball. It ain't set in stone by any means, but, hey, it could be fun. Of course, if I do direct it, you're all invited.

Comments by: YACCS