All I know is that I don't know.
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Wednesday, March 20, 2002

I feel like ass.

Actually, I feel less like ass than I did earlier today. If yer new here, I take Paxil. Now, Paxil is non-habit forming. I agree with that. I don't get Paxil-fits in the middle of the day. Take my li'l pink pill in the morning, and I'm set. But, lemme tell you that WITHDRAWL IS A PAIN IN THE ASS!

Here's the situation: My doctor got her own practice in St. Joseph, Missouri, which is about 40 miles south of Maryville (where I am). I noticed that my supply was dwindling big and bad, so I called her office and left a message. Apparently she was on vacation or something, because I didn't get a reply until like 2 days later, when I was out of meds. Time for another evaluation, which meant that I had to go to St. Joe.

I hate St. Joe. It's a town that tried to be big, but somewhere along the line something went drastically wrong, and now it's stuck. It has big-city style infrastructure (overpasses, docks, etc.) but not the economy to back it up. The town is laid out like something that would happen when I play SimCity. Districts laid out with no rhyme or reason, confusing street signs, a lack of right angles, I hate driving there. But, I went there tonight.

Yesterday, withdrawl hit. UGH! I was numb all over. But, not like a good-old drunk numb. No, this was more like a not-quite-pins-and-needles feeling centered around my face and teeth. My arms would do strange twitchy things. I couldn't get comfortable. I had even more trouble than usual sitting still. I was dizzy. It felt loads like the flu. And I had to drive to a town I hate with the withdrawl.

Surprisingly enough, I made it and only had to make 2 u-turns. I would have only needed to make one if business parks would put addresses in visible places. Saw doc, took meds, ate food and came back. WITHOUT FUCKED UP SIDETRIPS! YAHOO!

I maintain to this day that I have never been lost. I have just seen things that weren't on my agenda. I'm an Eagle Scout, I'm pretty sure that I can make it back to where I came from. I might be hella late, but I'll get there. I might have to ask for directions, but I'll get there.

I am terrible with directions. I don't know the whole north-south-east-west thing unless I can see the stars. I need left-right, landmarks and street signs. "Turn left at the second gas station, and go to the bottom of the hill," things like that. I can get to places, but I can't tell you how to get to them. I'm nutty like that.

I think I'm gonna watch a movie now. I have a buncha choices: Rollerball, Alphaville, Fight Club, Phantom Menace or some Kurosawa that I can't remember the title of, but it got an Oscar. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Comments by: YACCS