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Tuesday, March 26, 2002
I found a band that actually made me excited about rocknroll again. The first band in AGES that made me go "Oh, Jesus, now THIS rawks!" The White Stripes. OK, first of all, they seem to violate some of the laws of rock and roll.

Didn't know that rock and roll had laws? Oh, of course it does! That's how you seperate rock and roll from things like pop. Some of the laws are givens: if your parents don't want you to listen to it, obviously it's a really good idea for you to listen to it. (Note: the laws only apply to contemporary music. If you like The Kinks, and so does your old man, that doesn't make you lame. It means that you have good taste, and so does your old man. However, under no circumstances should your parents like any of the contemporary bands you like. Rock and roll is meant to shock/offend/scare parents.) If your parents don't tell you to turn down that gawdawful racket, you're not playing it loud enough.

Other laws are not so obvious. Especially those regarding band membership. One of the most important laws like this regards chicks playing bass in your band. If a chick is playing bass in a rocknroll band, she MUST be hot. This law can be shown to be true by looking at Kim Deal from The Pixies, Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth, Tina Weymouth from The Talking Heads and whoever is playing bass in Nashville Pussy right now. However, if your band is all chicks, the bass player need not be hot, as seen in The Donnas.

Typically a rocknroll band needs 3 members -- drummer, singer/guitarist and bassist. Some have 4 -- drummer, singer/rhythm guitar, bass and lead guitar. Some, like The Rolling Stones have more, as Mick doesn't play guitar on stage, typically. Some, like Rocket From The Crypt have more than the minimum, as they have a trumpeter and sax player, and sometimes the roadies play instruments, too.

The White Stripes have 2 members -- singer/guitarist and drummer. No bass. The drummer is a chick. She's not conventionally hot, but, man, if you see her, you understand it. And, they're brother and sister. Like The Carpenters. Shit, "Fell in Love with A Girl" just might save rocknroll. Fuck The Strokes -- The White Stripes is where it's at.

Oddly enough, I'm writing (yet another) missive about the glory that is rocknroll while listening to "Legal Man" by Belle & Sebastian. B&S is not rocknroll. It's not rock. It's hardly even rawk. It's chamber-pop. Think Donovan. Good stuff? Absolutely. Sissified? Damn straight. It makes me happy in a different way that Rollins Band. While I do dig the boost I get from "Low Self-Opinion" (if you haven't heard it, you're missing out on a song that defines a generation. Or, at least, me.), it doesn't get to my inner wuss.

My inner wuss likes things like The Mamas and The Papas, The Carpenters and Dusty Springfield. My inner wuss likes movies like Lucas.

However, my inner punk is usually louder. (well, duh.). My inner punk NEEDS rawk. It needs bands like Rancid and NOFX and Green Day and Rollins Band.

Again, my thoughts went nowhere in a hurry. But, seriously, check out The White Stripes.

Comments by: YACCS