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Sunday, January 13, 2002
I have a new hobby. Destroying people's lives.
That's what I call it, anyway. I enjoy opening Outlook Express and finding all the lovely spam, and then reporting those fucks to SpamCop. I sincerely hope that I drve spammers to suicide thru my dishing out of sweet, tasty, Iron Chef style justice. I hope that children are going to bed hungry because I got some spammer thrown out into the street.
A Short Play in Two Parts
Which depicts a spammer and his family
Spammer: the very definition of subhuman
Skank: the wife of the Spammer
Davey: The eldest child of the spammer
Corky: The youngest child of the spammer. Profoundly retarded to to massive inbreeding
Act the First
Scene: the family is gathered around a dinner table, fucking each other, and videotaping the incest with their "10X" Wireless Video Cameras.
Davey: Dad, Corky says that his ass is bleeding from you fucking him with that rolling pin.
Spammer: Not to worry, there, son. With all the money we'll be getting from my new job, we can fix his ass, your face, make my cock grow 8 inches more, increase my ejaculation 586%, and make your mother look 18 again. I mean, don't get me wrong, the money we're getting from her old-floppy-lipped-skank.com website isn't bad, but, my new job will make us richer than Croesus!
Skank: You got a new job?
Spammer: Put that shit-filled diaper back in your mouth, bitch! *donkey-punches her in the back of her head and takes another hit from his crack pipe* Davey! Come over here and help me look like Mr. Goatse. Corky, I'm sure that you can fit more than 9 tampons in your mom's fish-hole. Come ON, people! We have a fucking quota to meet!
Skank: I thought you had a new job, Spammer...
Spammer: It starts tonight. So, who wants to eat daddy's money-shot?
*lights fade; lights brighten. The family is gathered around the computer. Corky is playing a banjo.*
Spammer: See? All I do is start this program. It types in random email addresses and then sends email for, say, home security, or college cuties sucking cock, or awards. And the people who get it can do NOTHING about it! See that link? It says that if you click that link it will remove you. But it's a liar! IT JUST GENERATES MORE EMAIL!!! And I'm getting paid THOUSANDS of dollars!
Skank: That's WONDERFUL honey!
Spammer: Are you speaking?
Spammer: Then that means you're not making bukkake. There are still 2 mason jars filled with semen sitting in front of you. Drink it up, bitch. Later, if you're nice, you can vomit it out into my ass.. Then, well get you an appointment for vaginal reconstruction and a tit job. Maybe we'll even get you that clit extension you've been wanting.
*music swells, the family hugs and gives each other handjobs.*
Act the Second
Scene: at breakfast, just after another incest/rape/orgy session. Taped on their "10X" wireless cameras with the tilt option, of course.
Spammer: Well, it's time to make some more money.... what's this? I can't log on? I should call my ISP. But first, I think I'll violate my severly retarded son. In his ass. With a snake.
*lights fade and come back*
Spammer: Now, time to call my ISP... Hello? ISP? Yes, why can't I log on? ... Someone reported me as a spammer? That's a damn lie! I just have a lot of friends, and email them all! Surely there's no law against... oh... I see. So... can I log on again? Oh... I can't. And you've seized my bank accounts, too. No, that's fine. Good day.
Skank: What's wrong?
Spammer: Well, you'll have to do quadruple penetration in your vagina for your website now, and we'll have to eat the children.
*a single tear runs down Corky's face*
At least, that's what I hope happens.
Comments by: YACCS