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Tuesday, October 16, 2001
So, another day, another blog.

What will it be this time? Some piercing insight into the human condition as it pertains to certain 24 year old honkies in the midwest? Musings on popular culture? Sadness on par with the most hard-core emo kid? Your guess is as good as mine, my friends.

Listening to Tom Waits right now. 'I Don't Wanna Grow Up'. I understand that sentiment, and am doing my damndest to avoid adulthood. Sure, most of my recent posts have been of the 'boohoohoo i'm so lonely' sort, but, dammit -- i don't wanna grow up.

Watched 'The Filth and The Fury' tonite -- it's a documentary about the Sex Pistols. One of the special features is called 'Original Documentary'. Good line from Richard Hell -- 'I never wanted to forget that being a kid was miserable.'

I don't want to grow up. Grown-ups are boring. They're not curious anymore. They're not interesting. They don't understand the existential turmoil that plagues youth day in and day out. While I'm no longer a kid, I remember what it was like. Hell, I'm still in the midst of such turmoil. Trying to seperate 'human' from 'wrong'.

It dawned on me the other day that I am afraid to be 'human'. I'm not sure exactly why that is. Part of it probably comes from the fact that I am an Eagle Scout. Part of it might come from my LCMS upbringing. Part of it might come from my mental illness. Part of it may come from my lack of socialization. All of those reasons are neither here nor there -- they simply are, and I must deal with them. The question is: how?

Into how much temptation are we supposed to fall? If you accept the notion of 'original sin', we can't help falling into temptation. However, if you are looking to date or procreate or fornicate or what have you, it seems that you will fall prey to the sin of lust. Or, if that special someone is spoken for, the sin of jealousy or envy. Now, if you're a Christian (or Xian, for the net savvy), you accept the idea that you will sin no matter what you do. You can not avoid it. But: which is the greater sin -- to avoid temptation and thereby fail to be fruitful and multiply, or to fall into temptation at the drop of a hat? I don't claim to be without sin, and I'm not looking to throw stones. I drink, I smoke, I have naughty thoughts -- all the usual stuff. But, is resisting temptation a greater sin than falling into temptation? Is the 'cure worse than the disease'?

Comments by: YACCS