All I know is that I don't know.
All I know is that I don't know nuthin'.

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Thursday, October 11, 2001
I certainly hope that I'm wrong. Hollywood had best not be re-making 'Forbidden Planet'. Apart from '2001', 'Forbidden Planet' is one of the best sci-fi movies ever made. GRRR!

This month, I will have been single for 2 years. Yay me. I was single for 21 years at a stretch, so it shouldn't be that big a deal, really. Doesn't change the fact that it sucks. I'm not desperate. All I feel, really, is sort of a yearning, sort of an ennui, sort of a desire to wake up next to someone and be contented. But, I don't feel a pressing need. My parents were newlyweds at my age. I'm not even dating at my age.

I got a late start in the world of dating. Senior year in college late. Junior high and high school were clusterfucks of emotions and hormones. I yearned for one girl for all of those years. I know that sometimes she yearned for me. Regardless, things didn't happen, we never dated, blah blah blah typical geek romance story. It's like a Weezer song without the sex. So, I guess it'd be a Descendants song.

Went to college. If they made a 'college' movie about my time there, it'd be pretty damn boring. College is a lot less cool in reality than in 'Animal House' or 'PCU'. I drank beers, I had moderately wacky adventures, I did moderately illegal things, I went to class, all the usual stuff, but it was all 'rolling solo'. I had plenty of friends, but not, you know, friends. Until my senior year.

In come the freshmen. Met one. She was cute. We talked and talked and talked and kissed and had sex and all that great stuff. We had ups and downs, then I got a job in Missouri, and she was still in school, and I missed a big fucking clue when she decided we should see other people and I was cool with that since there was a girl my own age who had my attention and then that didn't work but that was ok since I still technically had a girlfriend and then the technical girlfriend got drunk at a party and had sex with another guy and that was the end of that, pretty much.

I moped around for a few months after that, and then got done moping. I made some friends, and they graduated. I thought I nearly had a girlfriend once, but, I was wrong, apparently.


Here I am. Stuck in a 'college town'. With no idea how to approach members of the opposite sex. Or, the same sex, for that matter. It's not like I'm going out with a defeatist attitude -- it's just that all the people I see bore me. I don't listen to their musicl; they don't listen to mine. And the girls (forgive my terminology -- I don't think of myself as a 'man') that DO interest me are taken, either married or in a relationship. Lookitme missing the boat.

"Just be yourself." That's the problem. I am myself. I have obscure political views (registered as Libertarian), I listen to obscure music, my heroes include Stanley Kubrick and Henry Rollins, I'd rather talk theology than football... "You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel." <-- bonus points if you name the movie.

What ever happened to geek chic? Did it ever exist?

Comments by: YACCS