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"Hello... yeah, it's been awhile.... Not much, how 'bout you?" <-- bonus points if you know the song.

So, I just finished "The Godfather" by Mario Puzo. Now, I'm reading his "The Last Don". Like most people who would be reading this here 'blog, I'm a fan of Mafia flicks. In fact, I'm sure that the only reason that the Mafia was cracked down upon was for the simple fact that they were better at providing protection and social services than the government. Anyhow, here's what I'm gonna rap about, and sing about:

EXCESS

As I'm reading these books (works of fiction, but well-researched works of fiction), I am both attracted to and repelled by the excesses that are displayed in the books. I am attracted to and repelled by excesses in reality. While I would love to be rich enough to wallow in my own crepulance, I know that if I were, I would probably commit suicide. Characters with a wife and 2 mistresses. Characters who can get whatever they want, be it goods, services or "services". I want to be them, and I want to destroy people who are like them.

I am not jealous of people who are more successful than I am. They have more drive and more talent and more connections than I do. More power to them. I am not jealous. However, what sickens me is when they display gross excesses. Dumping out expensive champagne. Fleets of fine automobiles. Toys and toys and toys. Blowjobs on demand. Snap your fingers, bitches come a'runnin. I hate excess.

Because of this, my least favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I hate Thanksgiving. Spending time with family is a good thing to do, absolutely. I like my family. I hate the idea that we celebrate the holiday by gorging ourselves on food. We show our thankfullness by gross displays of excess. It's almost like if you don't eat yourself stupid, you're not very damn thankful. It's especially frustrating for me, since I have a small stomach, and am incapable of gorging myself. I eat the same amount of food I always do. Of course, we also have to have dessert. I hate dessert. I don't order dessert in restaurants, I don't eat dessert at home. I believe in appetizers and main courses. Usually just main courses. I eat when I'm hungry, and stop when I am full. Why should I eat dessert when I'm no longer hungry?

---

I am often frustrated by the way my mind works. I remember one time, I had a gift certificate to a bookstore. Good for 1 free book. Hella cool. But, then I had to decide which book I wanted. I was on the verge of tears. I wanted a book, but I didn't know which one. I had a favorite author at the time, but his new book wasn't out yet. So, there I was with a bunch of books that I wanted equally, and was forced to decide. What if I didn't like the book I had chosen? What if there's a book I wanted, but forgot about and didn't see?

I still have this problem. It's just as frustrating. I hate making decisions about music and books unless I have a clear idea of what I want. It still makes me want to cry.

I have a similar frustration when I am reminded that I don't normally eat things like ice cream or candy or dessert. I have yet to buy a carton of ice cream in my life away from my parents. I made cookies only once, because my xgirlfriend wanted cookies. I don't have candy in my house, and I often forget to buy things to snack upon. I don't get urges for ice cream or for chocolate. I rarely eat candy if it's given to me. I appreciate the gesture, but I just don't like candy that much. I don't have much of a sweet tooth. I have a salt tooth and a meat tooth and a beer tooth.

For further proot that I am a pinko commie, I hate baseball. I hate baseball analogies, I hate baseball as a sport, and I hate the assumption that baseball is the 'national pasttime'. I hate the fact that we pay these people that much money. I hate the fact that I don't see the point in it. But I hate golf more. And Tiger Woods.
posted by Grant Bennett at 7:56 PM