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Tuesday, September 04, 2001

A Play

In Which Two Characters Talk A Lot About Things And Don't Really Solve Anything

But It All Works Out In The End Since It Was Written Just Because The Author Was Bored And Feeling Artsy.

Dramatis Personae:
Chad -- Wants to find the place in France where the naked ladies dance
Johnny -- Wants to be a rawkstah.

Setting: Johnny's bedroom.

Johnny: (sighs pathetically)
Chad: What is it?
J: Nothing.
C: No, it's not nothing. What's the deal?
J: There's so much beauty in the world...
C: You're hornly again, aren't you?
J: Hornly?
C: Horny and lonely. Hornly.
J: ... Yeah, I guess that about sums it up.
C: So, what are you doing about it?
J: (mumbles)
C: What?
J: Looking for people to chat with on the internet.
C: (silence)
J: Yeah.
C: for people
J: Yeah.
C: to chat with.
J: Mm-hmm.
C: on the internet.
J: That's about the size of it, yeah.
C: (blinks)
C: Why?
J: What do you mean?
C: Why are you sitting here, in front of your computer, looking for people to talk to?
J: Why not?
C: Well, for one, you could, say, leave your fucking apartment and try to find some REAL people to talk to.
J: Aha!
C: Aha, what?
J: Aha, I knew you were going to say that! I have (dramatic pause) A COUNTER ARGUMENT!
C: (falls over in shock)
J: I have tried 'leaving my apartment', as you say. And real people don't talk to me! Ha HA! So, I'm lingering about my apartment, looking around on the internet, because I'm following advice!
C: What advice, pray tell, would this be?
J: Love shows up when you least expect it.
C: ...
C: ...
C: ...
C: ...
C: ...
J: Love shows up when you least expect it. I never expect it in my apartment, so, my guess is that love will show up here eventually.
C: ...
J: (looks proud)
C: That
J: Yeah?
C: is
J: mm-hmm?
C: fucking
J: (looks expectant)
J: (falls over in shock)
C: Why in the holy hell would 'love' just 'show up' at your apartment?
J: Well, ummm
C: Does that even make sense? Does that happen anywhere outside of porn? What have you been doing to lure love back to your apartment?
J: Nothing...
C: Right! NOTHING! Does love even know that you're here?
J: Not as such...
C: Well, here's what you need to do. First: Stop listening to music that no one has ever heard of. Listen to Limp Bizkit and Eminem non-stop Second: Pay attention to sports and stuff. Thirdly: Change your clothing brands. Fourthly: Learn...
J: That will get me love?
C: Well, it will get you sex...
J: I want more than that.
C: Stupid moody people. Always wanting more.


Comments by: YACCS