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'Anything that is worth doing is worth having an audience for.' -- Grant Bennett

So, I play softball. I swear to you that this was a job requirement. That, and swearing eternal faithfulness to Dr. Tom Osborne and the Nebraska Cornhuskers. I have no problems with the second. Even though I'm not a fan of sports in general, the Huskers tend to kick more ass than a room full of ass-kickers. Softball, on the other hand is a bit of a struggle. Now, during the interview process, I was asked 'Can you play softball?'. Yes, I can. Can I play it well? No, I can't. That's the sticky wicket.

I play catcher. In slow-pitch softball. Whenever the ball gets thrown to home, the pitcher will be there to catch it. I suck. Except for pop-ups that wind up going behind home. I catch those. But, during the last game, it occured to me, 'What's the point if I don't have that special someone to impress with my athletic prowess? Yeah, I got a guy out, but where are the smooches? Where is the girl to meet me with open arms after the game?'

What's the point in doing something if you're not going to impress girls? Yeah, I got a guy out. Yeah, I got some props from my team. But, did girls flock to me afterwards? Nope. It was home to my apartment, my beer, my computer, and my lonely bed.

Yup. Feeling lonely tonite. Not only that, I actually tried to find information about my ex. Why the hell would I do that? That makes no sense! Why continue to torture myself? From whence does this self-destructive behavior come? I only wish I had the answer to that. I wish that, and an assload of other things. I wish I could find someone with whom I could share maddening sexual tension. I wish that I could get away with more stuff. I wish that I was as rich as Scrooge McDuck. (He's richer than Bill Gates any day.) I wish I had a supermodel on my D. I wish I had a propaganda machine hyping me. I wish that Kubrick hadn't died. I wish that I had a beautiful house and a beautiful wife. I wish I had even one tenth the talent of Brian Wilson.

'If wishes were trees, the trees would be fallin'.'

Grant
posted by RawkStah at 9:12 PM